Krista Vernoff Shares Her Father's Story Through Death of Harold O'Malley
We've received multiple emails regarding the message appearing before the end credits of "Six Days (Part II)," which read "In Memory of Bob Verne."
This man is not the actor who played Harold O'Malley, whose name is George Dzundza (pictured, with T.R. Knight). It is the father of Krista Vernoff, executive producer of Grey's Anatomy and one of its principal writers. In writing the two-part "Six Days" story line, Vernoff drew upon her own experience with her dad's short, losing battle with esophageal cancer.
Bob Verne's story is told through Harold O'Malley, and Krista's grief is shown, in part, through George. Here's what Vernoff has to say about it on her official blog about the episode:
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The card at the end [of "Six Days"] was a tribute to my father. He died six years ago at the age of 56 after a very short battle with esophageal cancer. He called me one day at my office at Charmed and told me he thought he had the flu. A week after that he had surgery on a massive tumor at the base of his esophagus.
Before the surgery he was laughing and celebrating with family. He had a profoundly positive attitude. After the surgery, he had a massive scar down his belly and was intubated and pale, and upon seeing him, I, who thought of myself as quite strong and educated and capable of handling that moment, started to shake and then hyperventilate and had to be helped out of the room.
During the week we waited for him to recover, we learned that kidney function was of the utmost importance and I became obsessed, absolutely obsessed with his urine output. I checked that urine bag like 50 times a day.
At one point, the doctors gathered the family to tell us that my Dad had a kink in his breathing tube and that they might not be able to get a new one in. They told us we needed to prepare ourselves for the possibility that this was it. We stood out in the hallway and waited, holding our breath, terrified.
There was another family there in the hallway, the family of a 16 year old boy who'd been shot on the street on his way home from work in what was feared to be gang related violence, though his family insisted that he was a good kid, that he wasn't in any gang.
They were as scared as we were as they waited for news of condition. We talked to them for awhile, made small talk, then fell silent. And after a long, pregnant pause, one of the teenagers of the family looked over at a member of my family with a very disturbed look on his face. And then he said "Dang. Somebody just farted. And I think it's this old white guy right here." My family laughed harder than we have ever laughed in our lives. And my dad lived through the reintubation.
He lived for three more days.
When the surgeon sat us down to tell us that it was time to let him go, he explained that Dad had come to him â" behind our backs â" on his way into the OR actually â" and begged him to proceed with the tumor removal no matter what. My Dad believed, truly believed, that he could fight that caner, that he could live, if only they would remove the tumor.
The surgeon did as he wished. And I have yet to completely forgive that surgeon for that decision. Because my dad's body was riddled with cancer. Plus he had a liver condition and a heart condition. There was pretty much no way for him to recover from a surgery that traumatic. And the surgeon knew that. I believe in forgiveness, I do. I'm a fervent and avid believer that resentment, unchecked, leads to illness and spiritual misery. But I also believe that that surgeon cut my dad in half because he wanted the practice. It wasn't the right call.
He knew better. My Dad didn't. The scene in which George yells at Bailey and Richard - that scene didn't happen in my life. Writing and shooting that scene was wish fulfillment for me. What happened in my life is, we went into my Dad's ICU and put our hands on his body and sang him Beatles songs while the nurses turned off the machines.
When they pulled the intubation tubes from his mouth, my sister and I put our faces to his mouth so we could feel the last of his breath. And then he died. And I became a member of the Dead Dad's club.
January 19th, 2007 9:28 AM
I was crying and I was trying to prepare myself for that. I liked that Christina went to talk to him once he came out of the room, I thought that was appropiate. I am sorry that someone actually had to lose a loved one in that manner, but it has to give some relief to relive it and make your own ending!
January 19th, 2007 10:05 AM
I cried thru the last 15-20 minutes of the show...I'm still in shock, and can't believe that such good writing and acting can be done...I've never cried for a show. Until this show, I've know cried twice, once when Deny died but this one was so real and true. and when the wife went to go kiss him on the mounth one last time, that was painfell. I'm truely sorry for you losing your Father that way. As the comment before me says, "it has to give some relief to relive it and make your own ending!".
January 19th, 2007 10:48 AM
My husband and I have different dad situations. My dad died from lung cancer 6 years ago and his dad is in the later stages of alzheimers in a nursing home. This episode brought us both to tears. It is hard to believe that a tv show can bring out so much emotion to viewers. I think that the actor that played George's dad is to be commended. I said out loud last night that I did not want to lose that character, he was so much fun. Keep Georges family coming back even for a little while so the viewers can greive a little. Silly huh?
Terri Creedon
January 19th, 2007 11:33 AM
i thought this was an amazing show and loved the writing. i cried the whole episode. My father had kidney cancer about 6 years ago...luckly they got it quick when they were doing an ultrasound for something. Kinday cancer usually has no cure and survival once it is diagnosed. my dad was lucky they took his kidney out and he his cancer free....my dad reminds me alot of georges dad in appearance so this was a hard episode to watch....
sorry that the writer had to go through this in real life.....
January 19th, 2007 12:14 PM
omg! cried my heart out soooo much even during the time when bailey and webber had to explain to the family that there's nothing more they could do till christina went out to talk to george... oh gash... i saw the trailer and was preparing myself for that but when it was actually playing already, i thought i was prepared but damn! tears were just coming out and i couldn't stop them! gash! i really feel for you... so much... and well, so for george too... awww... sorry too that you had to go through such...but really, that was a great job! great job! and you were very brave to be willing to share that heartbreaking moment again with the viewers... you touched our lives...
January 19th, 2007 1:11 PM
as a member of the dead dad's club myself - the last 15-20 mintues of this show hit home. I knew George's dad was going to die, but I didnt think i was going to replay the memories of my own father's death while watching. I thank you for sharing this episode and your own heartbreak with us, the audience. Sometimes we need to be reminded that it's okay to cry...and its okay to unsure of how to survive in a world where the person you love, the person you wish you could save, does not.
January 19th, 2007 1:11 PM
This show is unparalleled in excellence! I only wish that Burke and George had not had that spat in real life. The knowledge that they clashed offset, was a distraction for me when George was asking Burke for his opinion during last night's episode. I would like to think that they are as close in real life as they are in the show.
January 19th, 2007 1:37 PM
I became a member of the Dead Dads Club myself nearly 4 years ago. This episode brought it all back and I wept - this is something I just never do watching a make believe TV show. Nothing but "Grey's Anatomy" could do this. Outstanding television drama.
January 19th, 2007 2:54 PM
my father died when i was 19 (I'm 24) a week before i went off to colleg for the first time. I dont cry often, in public that is but i sobbed like a baby infront of at least ten people. That was rare. My roomate from college who lives in another state and someone i havent talked to in some time texted me right after the show...
"I dont know if your watching Greys Anatomy or not but i Love you and im sorry we lost touch"
that episode had a great affect on me as well as touched friends who went through my dads death with me ... its was amazing.
does anyone know the quotes from the end?
January 19th, 2007 3:10 PM
awesome job to the writers...so many people have been touched by your work
January 19th, 2007 5:06 PM
I don't usually make comments to any shows, but as I read your story and watched your show last night I too was moved by tears. I too lost my father after a long fight with many types of cancers that riddled his body. He died at home with all of us around, just as the character in last night's episode did. I was sobbing because it did bring back those memories of the pain and of the happiness that he was no longer in pain. I think the two most "hard hitting" moments of the show were when George advises his family of his father's pain which ultimately directs them to their decison, secondly when Christina let's George know it never gets better. I still grieve over the loss of my father and I appreciate you sharing that experience with the viewing audience. Excellent.
January 19th, 2007 5:25 PM
An awesome episode on many, many levels. I'm like some of you who posted above... a member of the "Dead Dad's Club," who could not help but go back to my own father's death bed scene while watching last night's episode. Kudos to the writers, actors, and crew. This show just keeps on getting better.
January 19th, 2007 6:28 PM
I'm a member of the Dead Dad's Club and the Dean Mom's Club, too. It was really a lovely tribute to her father. I can't imagine how incredibly hard it must have been to write this episode, but am also sure it was cathargic in the end to write down the feelings. My father had a heart attack and his death was very sudden. No machines to disconnect. When my mother passed away in a hospital, I was out of state and not with her. I'll always be sorry about that. My father and brother were by her side, but I was too far away to get there in time. I think the O'Malley family were wonderful in last night's episode. Every actor playing just ther right level of grief, not over the top, contained and real. They deal with so many unusual situations on Grey's (conjoined adult twins, rare surgeries, illnesses that little is known about) it was kind of a pleasure that this was not out of the ordinary, but rather the very real circumstances that many people find themselves in. Knowing it was written for Krista's own father made it even more moving. This was an example of why GA remains the top television drama.
January 19th, 2007 7:48 PM
I only remember crying this hard on one other episode, the one when Denny dies. I cry all the time, I'm so emotional, but this episode touched me more than any episode ever has. It was an excellent episode, and I feel terrible that the writer went through that. It makes it even more terrible that this actual happened in someones real life, to know that brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. The acting and writing on this episode was just so amazing. It moved me, and viewers everywhere.
January 19th, 2007 8:23 PM
This episode was like a page from my own life. We said goodbye to my grandfather the same way; our family around him, holding his hands, and telling him we love him. I thought the show was very well done, and my heart goes out to everyone who has lived through that moment.
January 19th, 2007 10:09 PM
People say it get's easier. It doesn't. So many of your words in this episode are my thoughts. I lost both of my parents to cancer. My mother 3 years ago, my father 2 years ago. I was with each of them when they died. Last words, last breath, last touch. I've always been the strong one. Not then! I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Yes, it is difficult to be in this world without them, but we live on, in honor of them. Thank you for this incredible episode. Great writing and acting. Thank you Krista for sharing your story.
January 19th, 2007 11:06 PM
This episode touched me so much......Like many others it made me relive the death of my mother. She passed away from pancreatic cancer a year and a half ago. She died in my home, in my livngroom. The same room I watch your show. I sobbed. My heart aches knowing so many other people have had to go though that loss. You all did a great job.
January 19th, 2007 11:42 PM
I just lost my grandfather, who was a father to me, on January 9th due to brian cancer. Watching this episode helped me immensly deal with all the emotions I have been feeling. When George said he didn't know how to exist in a world where his father didn't, that is what I have been feeling since my grandfather passed away. Thank you Krista for sharing your story, none of my friends have been understanding what I've been feeling because they don't realize my grandfather was a father to me and watching this episode I felt like someone understood.
January 20th, 2007 1:55 AM
Thursdays show was quite moving. My father passed away in 2000 and it's comforting for me to know that other people do go through the same things. Thank you for sharing yours with everyone on greys.
January 20th, 2007 7:35 AM
That was the best writing and acting that i have ever seen in my life. Krista you should be nominnated for a pulitzer.....Greys has become a family institution with my wife and I. we also had a mircle at christmas. my sons fatherinlaw was diagnosed withh pancreatic cancer. he was operated on the tuesday before christmas. on christmas day he got the lab results and the tumor was benign. there is only a less than 1% chance of that. ....Krista im glad you were able to find some closure in writing the last episode. Mya God bless and protect you and thank you for sharing with us.....
January 20th, 2007 8:02 AM
One of my favorite grey's episode... cried every time they showed george's father... that was why it felt so real because it really did happen in real life! I get teary eyed whenever i think about it now... i'm more of like the meredith in the show and can relate to her more... my dad and i have a formal relationship having a falling out years back... i missed him terribly after watching the episode.
January 20th, 2007 9:53 AM
that was such a beautiful episode and i cried during it. i'm a new member of the Grey's family and i'm loving it!!!
January 20th, 2007 9:58 AM
Thank you so much for that beautifully written episode. As always, the music and the talent, the way the episode is filmed...everything was perfect. TR Knight's performance was amazing. I am grateful to say that I am not a member of the club, but I actually felt pain for George's loss. I also have to say that I was so upset by the GG incident and I was concerned that it would impact the show, but TR and Isaiah are such talented actors that I forgot about the outside world for that amazing hour. Thank you again for this show.
January 20th, 2007 12:35 PM
that scene in this past show where george's dad died was the most emotional i have ever been with a show. i too .. like some of you .. thought i would be able to handle the scene but nah. my eyes watered as soon as the camera his mr. omalley .. and then when georges mom leaned down to kill his dad .. i completely lost it. i couldn't even control my crying .. it was kind of weird. cause usually i'm a stong emotional person. but not with that. so sad to hear that it was actually a true story ..
January 20th, 2007 12:36 PM
i meant kiss his dad ..